I grew up in Christian Fellowships (CFs).
I accepted Christ was I was 13-14, in my secondary school Christian Fellowship. We had a youth pastor who visited us every week from Calvary Church KL, and he would speak at our meetings. One of those meetings, he gave an altar call, and I accepted Christ then as my Lord and Saviour. The next year, the seniors who were leading our CF graduated, and I and a few other of the younger ones were left to form the nucleus of the next generation of CF leaders. So I became a leader of the CF. There was a committee of about 4-5 of us, and we had a very good teacher advisor – Ms. Yap, who helped us organise meetings. I was a CF leader, but I didn’t really know much about what a life in Christ entailed. The CF was just an event – a weekly activity that we would organise. It became more of a social gathering than anything else. We ended up playing games most of the time.
Then when I got to college, out of sheer inertia, I sought out and joined my college CF. If I was a Christian, then I thought I should join and hang out with other Christians in college. That was my thinking at that time. Christianity was a social group identifier for me. So I joined the Taylor’s College CF, which was also known as the Mid-Week Service, and we were partnered and hosted by the Asian Youth Ambassadors, a Christian youth organization founded and led by Pastors Kenneth and Sandra Chin (they’ve now birthed a 700-member church out of the seeds they sowed during that college ministry). After about a year, I was approached to be a leader of the CF… to be part of the committee. Eventually I became Secretary. While I did grow a lot in my own Christian walk during that time, my service in the CF wasn’t really about my service to God. It was just something I had to do. A list of tasks to do in order to keep an organization running… and I was comfortable with the organization, and I didn’t want to see it stop, and somebody had to do it… so I helped do it. That was my attitude. I didn’t want to see the CF stop, because that’s where all my friends were, so I took on the burden of helping to organize meetings, to keep things going. In the process, I learned the procedures of how to run a morning prayer meeting, the order of a typical service / cell meeting, and all the nitty-gritty that goes behind the scenes of running regular youth meetings.
But still, what I was interested in was running the meetings. People were only incidental to me. I had friends, of course, but they took a back seat compared to the desire in me that “the show must go on”. The program was important. If you stick to the program, and people got blessed by it… well, good for them. The program has fulfilled its’ purpose. If people didn’t get blessed, then it’s okay. Just keep trying with the program, and things will work out eventually. At that time, I also had a very vague conception of what “being blessed” meant.
As I look back now, I wonder if I really touched anyone’s life at all while I was in college. I think I impacted only one or two people significantly… my friend and classmate Chuan Shern, who I invited to a camp where he got saved and whom I helped to serve as an example and give advice on the Christian perspective on things sometimes after that, and my junior Vivien, who had just recently accepted Christ, but didn’t know how to do quiet time. I explained what that involved – “a mini-church service by yourself” – and lent her the bible study book that I had found very useful in my own formative Christian growth. She thanked me for it later, and told me that my explanation and the book had really helped her grow. But other than that, I don’t think I really made much of a difference in people’s lives. In fact, I’m pretty sure I made a few horrible or embarrassing mistakes along the way. (I can still remember my first time as an MC for the service. Ouch.)
This carried on into university. Being the good Christian boy that I was, I visited all three Christian organizations on campus, and half a dozen churches before settling down in Community of Praise Baptist Church and Varsity Christian Fellowship. I joined the dedicated Bible study group on Mondays (Swordfighters), as well as three cells – on Wednesday (Science CF), Thursday (PGP hostel CF) and Friday nights (DNA church cell) respectively. Tuesday was the CF-wide Sunset Prayer meeting. After about a year of that, I had burned out. I left the church, got into video game addiction, and only joined PGP CF (the VCF branch that had meetings in my student hostel) once a week. Because of my background, I was asked to help co-lead Bible studies and cell meetings for PGP CF in my second year of university, and I did so… again, it was more of a “keep things running” mentality. I tried to organize daily devotions and prayer meetings, because I thought that’s what a CF leader should do. But my heart wasn’t really in it, and the efforts died out eventually. Thank God, I wasn’t the PGP CF chair… each year I was serving, I found someone else who could be the chairperson representing our branch to VCF. I was always the number two. Maybe God was gracious, because frankly… I don’t think I would have made a really good cell leader at that time.
However, what PGP CF taught me was the close-ness and the bond that can grow up between people who meet up regularly every week. Even until today, several years from when we’ve all graduated, we still try to gather at least once a year to catch up. And I learned how to prepare and lead small group Bible studies and worship during my 3 years at PGP CF. And I polished my eloquence in praying out loud for other people too.
So there I was. I had all of this experience. I had all the skills to effectively lead a small group, honed through years and years of Christian meetings… nearly 8 years in leadership of various Christian organizations and cells. I could run a cell group meeting all by myself from start to finish without any problems… and I often still do so. Frankly, looking back at it now… I honestly wonder whether I made any difference at all to the people I’ve met and the lives that I had the privilege to care for. I believe the last 1-2 years have made me grow more than anything else in terms of my understanding of people and God’s heart for them.
When I accepted a leadership role in Branches – the young adults cell I’m leading now in church – I had a lot of reservations. I had already learned from experience that if God didn’t call you to a ministry, don’t bother stepping in. It’s a waste of time, because it won’t grow. During my years as a leader in all of the other ministries, they didn’t grow. I didn’t want to repeat the same experience here. I spent three months in prayer (off-and-on) about it, and needed a lot of encouragement from Sylvia (the previous Branches cell leader), plus the prospect of co-leadership with Huiting before I agreed. And even then, it was partially a responsibility angle again – Huiting didn’t want to lead by herself, and if she wouldn’t, then Branches would have no leader. So I filled in the other half necessary for Huiting to lead. I ran the meetings, and she took care of the members.
However, it was only after Huiting got married and left me with the sole responsibility of leading Branches that I really started to grow as a cell leader, I think. Many things have changed since I first took up leadership. In fact, of the original Branches group from Sylvia’s time, only Natasha, myself, Li Ping and Darren remain. All the rest has changed. I’m really grateful and thankful for God’s grace upon our cell, and for each of our new members. And somehow, this last year has been a year of great growth for me, I think. With no one else to share responsibility with, I now had to be the one to start caring for the members spiritually. I had to listen to them, pray with them, share my life stories with them and disciple them and help them grow in each of their personal, individual walks with God.
And I have never been more blessed.
This is what cell leadership is all about. It’s not about how to run meetings, or lead Bible studies. It’s about the day-to-day, spiritual watchfulness and care over the people whose growth God has asked you to be a part of. It’s about discipling them, watching them grow into spiritual maturity. It’s about listening to their problems, and helping them find answers and solace in His words, as well as in practical matters. In a weird way, I thank God for each and every problem that my cell members bring to me, because it gives me an opportunity to grow in love for them, and to learn the limits of my own abilities and why I need to depend on God. This is real. This is meaningful. This work touches and changes people’s lives. It’s not about running meetings, or planning programs. It’s about changing lives. About finding ways to help people grow.
There’s still a lot I have left to learn. But this past one year has taught me so much. And by the grace of God, I will continue to grow to accommodate more of his love shining through my life.
September 7th, 2010 at 12:01 am
Dear Josh
I heard a story being told in church last Sun.The speaker related the story of a young man called John. John was walking on the road one day and he saw across the road a neighbourhood boy named Ben carrying a lot of stuffs; books, rackets, T-shirts, etc and the things were falling all over because Ben couldn’t carry all of them. John went over and tried to be a good samaritan. Ben was a loner and no one has even offered to help him. John helped Ben to carry his stuff home and while walking, John promised to take Ben out for basket ball the next day. Since that day, their friendship grew and they were friends for three years until Ben’s family moved.
Twenty years later, Ben became a pastor and went back to the small town to look for John. There sitting alone , John looked old and depressed. Ben went over and asked whether John could remember him. John said yes and he remembered their time together. When Ben asked why he looked depressed, John said that he had just contemplated on his life and he realised that he didn’t do anything meaningful that had impacted anybody. Ben told John that he was wrong. John impacted Ben’s life by the little action of helping Ben to pick up the stuffs and showed concerned. It saved Ben’s life because on that day Ben had cleared all his stuffs from the school locker and was planning to kill himself! Never underestimate the impact of small actions because in many ways, we change the world around us by small actions rather than great works.